So if you are my friend (I mean you’re all my friends but specifically from the ‘gram or Facebook), you know I’ve gotten back into #artparty days. I mean granted there’s not much else to do that fits within the lifting restrictions lol but it’s also something that I have been using to get and keep my mind right.
“Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:2 NIV)
So much of the battle is fought in our minds, at least mine is.
I’m going to confess…I tend toward the negative, at least in my mind. Some people that might not know me well (don’t be offended. I don’t let many people in that far) might be surprised because I fake a good game. I know what I’m supposed to say.
I say good things to you. I can tell you everything is going to be okay. But the things I say to myself are not very nice. (Also I must confess some people have been given a talking to, you just don’t know it ’cause I do it when you’re not there. Lol. It keeps me saying nice things to people to be able to say the things I want to say when I’m alone.). Plus there’s sarcasm…and that bone runs deep…and I’m sorry…I mean kind of.
When times get hard or the pressure is on I get quiet though. I mean my friends know it when things are going down. At first when it starts, I tend to be loud and am like seriously? Can you believe this? Blah blah. But when it really starts getting serious or I’m really overwhelmed, I’m silent. My face isn’t, but that’s for another time.
Inside my head I’m not silent though.
There’s been dark days several times in my life, but most recently I think to the dark days post-op. When I was spending most of my time alone and hormones were angry and life was just overwhelming, there was a battle raging in my mind. It was a battle I was losing.
I mean some of my earlier blog posts elude to it but it wasn’t pretty in there. Those times of wondering what was next and if it even mattered. Those times of feeling like I was doing nothing and that wasn’t good. I don’t think I had any positive thoughts in my mind for a little while.
So what changed? I don’t tell you these things to say “look at me; I’m amazing”. I told you in my flesh I tend to the negative. I’ve never been good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or enough enough.
I had to find something to push those negative thoughts out of my head. Instead I started filling my head with praise and worship again and with His Words. I’m reading several Christian books right now (I know I have focus issues) and they’ve all said different things to me.
Basically, God chased me down, as I was dodging him (again for another time), and he gently held me until I got it together. Not by my own strength, because I was fresh out, but with His.
So I’m setting my mind on things above. One of the ways I do it is through art and creating things with quotes that I find beautiful. It takes a little time to create art and you have to focus on the task the whole time or it gets crazy. There’s no room for self-talk because you are focused on creating. Thus #artparty will continue. See when my mind gets bored it starts fighting battles that never existed.
I found recently that I was really bothered by someone else’s negativity. I think for me that’s a small victory. Instead of going down the rabbit hole with them, I recognized it for what it was.
I mean I’m not happy all the time…not by a long shot, but life isn’t as hard as I make it out to be sometimes inside my mind. People don’t set out to hurt my feelings. It’s likely a byproduct of being human. And oddly enough, I may not be the center of everyone’s world. Shocking. I know.
So keep fighting the battle. I pledge to try to keep fighting it with Gods help. Things are about to get busy when I get cleared for work and life. I need to make sure my mind stays on the new path and doesn’t resort to old tricks. The tricks are of Satan because my friends we are all ENOUGH!