life

What’s the plan?

I’ve always been a planner I think, even when I didn’t always share those plans. In my head are plans for every situation and contingency plans for when something goes wrong. Sometimes I even think, well next time I’ll do this, as if I’m going to get a do-over at some point.

Sometimes being a planner is good. I’m the person people pick if they want to get something done because I plan it out and then I execute it as completely and quickly as possible. I hate plans that are made and then nothing happens. This is what we’re going to do, this is what we need to do it, so let’s go. That’s how my brain works.

I hate unfinished things as well. That’s probably my problem with long projects. They are unfinished for a long time. I hate that. I do quick projects. Plan it. Do it. Done. Next.

As long as I’m working toward a goal and I can see all the members are doing something, I can wait for a minute. But those things that have to go through 37 channels to get done exasperate me to no end. Because somewhere on channel 2, it will get stuck. I hate that.

My life is much the same way. I plan so many things. I’m pretty goal oriented, so I always want to be pushing toward that goal. I will keep working and keep rearranging until I figure out how to make it happen. And if it doesn’t? Frustration.

I think that’s why I get so frustrated with my life sometimes. I feel like one of those puzzles where the pieces don’t come out but there’s one empty square. You keep pushing the pieces around and theoretically eventually it straightens out into a picture.

I keep pushing the pieces of my life around trying to get something to line up and yet it keeps going around to be the same mixed up puzzle. So I push it around again. And listen, I’m not big on perseverance. Once that doesn’t work twice I might be known to throw the puzzle across the room and walk away. (I am long on temper where I’m short on patience afterall.)

This verse stood out to me today.

I think it’s God’s way of saying, you can plan whatever you want but if it’s not my purpose, it won’t work out. He’s going to end up doing what’s best for our life and what’s best for His purpose, regardless of how it fits into my self-made plans.

In His timing all things work together for good and for God. I can make all the plans I want to, but I need to learn flexibility. (That’s something I lack. Where my joints are pretty flexible, my mindset is not. My momma raised some stubborn kids, God love her. Sorry mom.)

While I’m learning to breathe and let go, I think this ties right in. I need to learn that I cannot control all the things, even though I desperately want to. God’s best for me is to allow Him to control all the things and for me to do what it is He has for me to do.

I don’t need to keep trying to straighten out my puzzle. It might be a mess for a while, but it’s God’s mess and He has a purpose in it. I don’t have to like the mess. I just have to embrace the life I’ve been chosen to live. It may not be the plans I had for me, but it’s the plans God has for me. And I don’t know better. I am not in control.

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House update: I told few people at first and was vague here in blog land specifically because if the bottom fell out I didn’t want to have to deal with that publicly. (That’s me. Always looking for what’s going to go wrong.). Also, it felt right and I just wanted to do the thing without anyone else’s opinions. (Love y’all). So I told the few people who would not have opinions.

I made an offer, it was accepted and we did an inspection yesterday. The inspection went well with only minors really. Appraisal is set up and then it’s packing and moving I guess. I’m new here lol. This is completely uncharted territory.

It’s going super fast, but in a way I think that’s also God. He knows I will overthink, worry and think of the 57 things that could go wrong. So, He’s not giving me time for that. He painted a door for me. We’re doing this thing.

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