life, My Faith

What did work

Yesterday, I shared my list of “What Didn’t Work in 2018” (an idea from Emily P. Freeman). So today I’m going to show you the companion list: What Did Work in 2018.

Because I’m a big fan of symmetry and even numbers (and the rest of the neurotic things lol) there are 10 just like in the other list. Before we get to the list let me say, I still struggle to do some of these on the daily, but when I did them, they worked well. So, obviously I need to get back to it.

1. Letting people in to all the things. I like to keep the illusion that I have it all together to everyone. I’m not saying I always do well at even the illusion, but I hate letting people see the hard or messy or anywhere I struggle. But this year saw the importance of letting close people into that stuff too. I’m still not comfortable there, but on evaluation, it was easier when I had people in on those hard things. In the last month of challenges, I reverted back to the old ways, tending to try to distance the people and not asking for help, but part of processing and getting through tough things is to acknowledge that they are tough and let people help you through them, no matter how hard and ugly that feels. I’m working on it.

2. Being honest. It kind of goes with the first but when I’m completely honest with myself, with God and with my people, it’s easier to survive this life. The one place I am honest is here on the blog because somehow it’s easier here. This year God and I had many heart to heart chats about lots of things. I think those should continue.

3. Changing focus. At one point in this year, I shifted my focus and my life improved for the better. If you remember losing focus was on my What didn’t work, so it’s a struggle. I need to get my focus where it needs to be and try to keep it there this year.

4. My people. If you’ve been around this blog for a minute, you know I was blessed with some amazing people this year. They have made me a better person and really helped me survive all that 2018 hurled at me. I still sometimes struggle with not feeling worthy of such love and second guessing it, but these people are my gift from God in this season. And I hope they are always in my life. They put up with me in ways that most people wouldn’t want to and have seen me in all states of discombobulation, but somehow they don’t seem to mind that, and they’ve seen me through the good too.

5. Relying on the kindness of God. Deep down, through all the ugly, I know God is kind. I know that whatever comes my way, he will walk through it with me. If I can remember this, I can survive anything.

6. Waiting. Oh, y’all. I’m bad at this. I’m not even good at waiting at stoplights. But the few times I’ve really waited and paused and took a break, it’s given me all the blessings. I need to remember to wait. I need to remember to pause.

7. Trusting in Gods provisions. I mean I’m sitting in the big one for 2018: my house. God always provides. It doesn’t always look like I think it should. (And sometimes it does…#bluedoor). But no matter what He provides.

8. Writing. I write a lot. Most of it happens here but I even write some things that are not for public consumption in a journal. It’s the way I process things. This blog has helped me not only process through 2018 but also allows me to go back and remember where I’ve been. I am grateful for it and for the people that read it. It’s taken me through some stuff and will continue into 2019.

9. Reading some amazing books. I devoured some amazing books in 2018. Some more than once. Some time in the last month I got too busy for that. Oddly enough, my life also fell pretty hard off track in the last month. I need to get back to these things because there’s amazing books out there and I have some good ones on my list, and on my nightstand.

10. Not focusing on disappointments. If you’ve never been disappointed, you’re probably either lying or living a weird life. Life is full of them. They can really get you down. But I need to remember to focus on the good in 2019 and not the bad. The bad happens, but it doesn’t have to steal my joy like it does, like it has in December.

So there you go. That’s my list. Out of this, I feel like I can set some goals for this year. Also I feel like making these lists have helped recenter me, and if you’ve been around me lately, you knew that needed to happen. I’m trying to keep breathing and letting go of the bad.

I’ve listened to this song a lot this month and I always kind of heard sadness in it. Like God you can fix it, but you’re not. “I know the sorrow and I know the hurt will all go away if you just say the word”….but you’re not saying it. Today I heard it differently. God, you can fix it, but “even if you don’t, my hope is you alone.”

“You’ve been faithful, you’ve been good all my days. Jesus I will cling to you come what may, cause I know your able. I know you can.”

We all know 2018 had it’s rough patches, but it’s time to let them go. Take the lessons learned and leave the hurt. It reminds me of another song, “heal the wounds but leave the scars, a reminder of how merciful you are.” Let me never forget 2018, but let me live past it and grow from it.

So here’s to doing better in 2019, knowing that I’ll still fall short sometimes but aiming for finishing strong this time. Goal setting to come soon. Stay tuned. And thanks for joining the journey.

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