The last couple of days have been about evaluating 2018 and looking for ways to go into 2019 better. I know; we’re already in 2019. But, not by much and I’m learning that good things take time.
In about 3 weeks, my people and I will embark on “Goals Weekend”, a weekend to learn, get closer to each other and set some goals for 2019 and beyond. It’s not an original idea, but when I first heard about it I felt like it was going to be important in our lives. I feel like this weekend will set us up for success in a lot of ways, as we work through our goals and solidify where we’re each heading.
And it feels big and exciting and scary all rolled into one. But mostly exciting. As we continue to plan and pray over what God will do with this weekend and each of our lives, I’m excited with anticipation to watch it unfold. The amazing thing about my people is we’re all different, so I cannot wait to see how many different goals exist. I also can’t wait to see how many goals intersect because I feel like they’ll do that too.
I’ve had a lot of time to think, plan and evaluate the last few days. At work we keep passing around something we less than affectionately named “the plague”. And this week I was re-plagued. So I’ve spent a lot of time trying not to outrun myself and take time to de-plague (hopefully). Since steroids are not an option (unless another ER visit and more electrode stickers are on the agenda #thisstupidheart) it’s taking longer than normal to shake the plague anyway. Tomorrow I must enter full suck-it-up mode and go to work…hopefully not to be plagued again. (I mean y’all…we’ve taken to defusing thieves at work to pacify the plague. I question whether Lysol can be diffused, but no one has the answer.)
Nevertheless, the one good thing it has given me, besides an abundance of rest, is time to pause.
I told you, I think, my word for the year (or for right now…a year is a long time) is “breathe”. I think in the act of breathing exists the act of pausing. In it too exists the act of letting go of what doesn’t serve you and what you can’t control. I act. I like to act. I don’t like to sit around and think about anything very long. Let’s just do it is my motto and ask questions later. But it needs to be different in 2019. Sometimes you have to pause and breathe. (The crying part might not be good from this quote but the rest is solid.)
As I think through my goals, which are still in the planning stages and so not ready to be released to the wild, I know pausing and breathing will appear. They must. As I evaluate my two lists from the last two blogs, I know that it was important.
Another thing that I anticipate will appear on that list in some form is figuring out how to be vulnerable and let people love me. Let people help me where they are able and want to. To stop trying to do it all alone and stop keeping people out of the dark places.
I wish the darkness didn’t exist, but it does. I wish the tough times wouldn’t come, but they likely will. I wish I could stop needing people, but I cannot. I’ve discovered the beauty of having people and I cannot survive without them anymore. The one thing that makes it easier to survive is to let people into those places. And to realize, as much as I don’t feel it sometimes, that I am worthy of that love. And even if I’m not, the love of my people and my God, graciously, is not contingent upon my worth.
2018 was a year of a lot of growth, so it’s no wonder it’s taking me a while to process through in order to bring the gems forward into 2019. I hope you’re in some stages of making plans to grow this year and beyond. Maybe you’ve already gotten your goals solidified or maybe you haven’t started. Either way, I would encourage you to share them with someone you trust who can help you figure out how to make them a reality. Let’s make 2019 a year of breathing, learning and growing into whoever God has made us to be. You are loved.