life, My Faith

Just a little help

How well do you do at asking for help? If you do that really well, I might need some pointers. I am terrible at it. I hate admitting I can’t do something or handle something on my own.

I mean even when I’m surrounded by a bunch of people ready, willing and capable of helping me, I still try to do it myself. In fact I don’t even want them aware there is a problem to begin with. Basically, until the tires completely fall off, I’m going to keep on driving. Looking back at some of the times, I can tell you it was not only foolish, but dangerous.

Case in point: December, the month my heart got its own hashtag (#thisstupidheart). I work in a hospital, on a floor that does some cardiac things, no less, with cardiac nurses. Being here I’m surrounded by brilliant nurses that I work with every day but also an entire hospital of doctors and medicine. When my heart rate sped up at work, did I go seek the help of capable medical professionals? Nope. I told no one and went behind a locked door where no one knew where I even was and tried to fix it myself. The only reason I even said anything was it wasn’t working and I thought I might be about to be in real trouble (because apparently in my mind 165 bmp wasn’t real trouble, but 185 was). Hind sight and all that, I realize that could have gone really wrong.

In fact I only agreed to go to the ER because they threatened to announce overhead and call in the cavalry, so the ER seemed the less embarrassing of options. (Insert face/palm emoji to this whole incident in hindsight).

Even worse than not physically asking for help, I’m really bad about asking for spiritual help as well.

I was convicted recently that the worst place I display this is asking for help in the form of prayers. I have no issue asking my friends to pray for other people. I don’t think twice about it. My people are helping me work on this.

When I ask for prayer for me, a lot of times I start it with “I’m sorry to be needy but…” or “I’m sorry but…” or “if you think about it will you…”. The last time I asked for prayer that way, one of my people responded “you don’t have to apologize for asking for prayer!”

Oh.

I was reading in Judges about the story of Gideon and after he had the Mideonites on the run with his army of 300 guys, the rest of his people came to him really mad. Basically they asked him why he went into battle without telling them. Didn’t he know they would fight for him?

It convicted me that I need to allow my people to fight for me more because they want to. I’m not inconveniencing them. And whether I always believe it or not, people love and care about me. They want to pray for me. Also I know good and well I would be upset if any one of them didn’t ask for my help. Why don’t I give them the same opportunity?

And so I’m trying to do better. Now when I start texting my people to ask for prayer I start typing “I’m sorry to ask but” backspace backspace “Hey can you pray for me for…”. Ya I still type it usually, but I notice it and erase it. Eventually I hope I can break the habit. Because I need them. I need prayer. I definitely do not have it all together and have had to fight some big, scary battles lately. God tells us to intercede for each other and if we don’t know the battle, we can’t help fight it. I need to do a better job of asking for help. And it probably comes down to swallowing my pride and admitting that I need help.

This Friday is a big day of some heart tests. Today I told my people, announcement style. We were talking about this very subject and about how some of them went into battle for me during Goals Weekend when I’d given up and they interceded on my behalf.

So, I’m calling you into battle again because I have some big things coming up Friday.

Their response? “Can we come over Thursday night and pray?” My normal response would be you don’t have to do that. I’m ok it’s not necessary. Etc. But God is teaching me the value of this very thing. And I’m grateful that they want to intercede on my behalf, that they are willing to drop what they are doing and pray over it. These people, my people, who are always here when I need them ready to fight, are poised for battle once again.

And for them I’m truly grateful. This time I will join them in interceding on my behalf. This time I enter the battle ready.

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