Random Wednesday check-in? Maybe that will be a new thing. I am still figuring out what I’m doing in this new season and new territory. I’m still processing through what to say publicly and what to process offline with my peeps.
Y’all. My people deserve a medal. I’m not sure how many rough patches they are gonna have to walk with me through but this last one was the toughest yet. And they walked with me still and are still continuing. I’m still amazed by God’s goodness to give me such people that I do not deserve but am so grateful for. They continue to love me well even when I’m fairly unlovely. I hope we will soon get to the part where I love then well back. While I’ll always need them, I hope I don’t always need them as desperately as I have lately.
This has been a good week. I know what you’re thinking. Girl, it’s Wednesday. It’s a little early to celebrate. I don’t really go for a standard week. I work three 12 hour shifts, usually at the end of the week. This week I also worked a Monday, and tomorrow I work again so I feel like tomorrow kind of starts a new week. Y’all. I do what I want.
I feel like this week has been a test on a lot of levels and yet God has seen me through it. There has been some disappointment in this week, and while I am disappointed, it didn’t derail anything. My friend and I were talking about it and I said, “is this how normal people deal with disappointment?” While I was half joking it is definitely new territory. I know there is nothing I can do about it and so we just roll with the punches. There’s no hysteria, no crying, just “well that stinks. What do you want to do now?”
The biggest disappointment was my birthday trip got cancelled. We were going to see Annie F Downs, Angie Smith and Danielle Walker, but because Angie’s dad is actively dying they cancelled the tour. Totally the right call. I can’t be mad about it. Am I disappointed? Of course. I was looking forward to leaving town with one of my people and meeting Annie. Hey but who knows what next weekend will bring now? Maybe just some much needed rest and a break from the workflow that has been quite challenging lately.
This was just one of the challenges of this week and I don’t say it to toot my own horn, but I feel good about my reactions to challenges this week. I feel like I’m getting in a good place. That’s not to say tomorrow might present a challenge that I don’t handle well. It’s really moment by moment a lot of times anymore, but I feel like there is promise on the horizon. I feel like I have changed and so the world around me changed too, or at least the way I process it and deal with it.
This new normal is a strange territory still. I’m learning to live in the present and not plan for all the things that could go wrong. In fact today I had no backup plan and when the original plan was thwarted by someone’s “spring cleaning” we just rolled with the punches and made it work. And it turned out great. And I didn’t have to stress out about how to execute plan A,B,C,D, and E in the event that the world collapsed. It was kind of nice and way less dramatic.
The world is a challenging place and I guess you have two main options: get upset by the challenges or work with the challenges. I never knew how much easier it is to work with what you are given. Tonight I’m tired but it’s a new kind of tired. It’s only physically tired from doing a lot of things, not mentally or emotionally tired from processing through the day. And that’s amazing.
I always wondered at my friend who says so easily “God’s got you” to almost every situation. I never understood how she could be so sure. But minus the anxiety that every thing can go wrong and probably might, I am able to hold to that truth. I think He truly does. Whatever comes next well just roll on because God’s got me. And it’s a great place to be.
Will I feel this way tomorrow? Not sure. I hope so. But like I said, I’m taking it moment by moment, baby-stepping it through this new territory. Hoping to come out stronger on the other side.
God’s blessings in this season are many and vast. Even if I “fail”, He never does. Even if I struggle, He’s got me. His words are always true. He calls me beloved and that’s a great place to rest for now.