life, My Faith

Every hour

I’ve been reflecting lately. It seems to be a growing season, and it seems like reflecting might be a good way to not repeat past mistakes and to figure out how to improve.

I notice a habit. When life seems to be falling apart, when I don’t know what else to do, I lean into God more. I search His word. I look for answers. I seek direction more. But when life straightens back out, sometimes I stop searching so hard. I stop leaning so far. And I forget.

I’m pretty self-sufficient. I like to be that way. Sometimes when I encounter something I am not sure how to do or something I haven’t done in a while, I do seek out help. I like to talk things through because the last thing I ever want to do is to look stupid, to appear incompetent.

Except when my tire goes flat.

If my tire goes flat, I will do everything in my power to look like I have no idea what I’m doing. I stare at the jack like I’ve never seen it before in my life. I look at my tire like I’m not sure what to do. I look as helpless as humanly possible.

And every time someone has helped me. Every. Single. Time.

Do I know how to change a tire? Theoretically. I’ve never actually done it.

What I do know about tires is they are dirty and heavy and it seems to take a lot of effort to get it off. (Basically in a pinch I could probably figure it out, but I’d rather not have to.)

When my tire is changed, I take back over. I thank them profusely of course. I usually offer them whatever cash I have. But I don’t ask them to now drive my car or help me get a new tire. I thank them for their help and I take it from there.

Maybe that’s how we approach life sometimes. We’re in a jam. Our wheels have gone flat, or if you’re like me, maybe they’ve come off all together. We don’t know what to do (or we do and don’t want to get our hands dirty). So we cry out for someone to help us.

If you’re a Christian, you may call out to God at this point. Ok God. I really screwed up this time. Please help me! In desperate times, you may cling to His word and really seek Him. When the hard times over what do you do then? Do you say, ok God thanks! I really appreciate all you’ve done for me. I will remember it….but I can take it from here.

That’s not an intentional conversation that you have with God maybe. But I think a lot of times that is what we do. We’re grateful for a while. We cling to the grace He freely gave us. We remember what we learned and what He did. But then, we start inching away. We start doing it on our own again. It’s not an intentional thing, but maybe you look around and realize you haven’t read your Bible this week. Maybe you think, I’ve only talked to God when I needed something. Maybe you don’t even realize it at all.

I need to remember. I need to remember that I still need Him desperately on my good days too. I need to walk with Him closely and lean into the calm waters and not just grab for Him when I’m in over my head. It’s here when things are looking better that He can truly speak to my heart and teach me to trust Him. It’s here that I can learn His promises so that the storms don’t seem as big. It’s here that I learn faith before it gets tested.

I’m still gonna need Him desperately on the bad days. Maybe I’ll still cling to Him harder on those days, but I need to remember to seek after Him when times are good.

May I never forget how desperately I need Him every single day. Every single hour.

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