life

Sometimes it has to change

I’ve been pretty anti-change my whole life. My resume itself leads you to believe I stick with one thing for a really long time. Change is hard…probably because it’s hard to control and this little control freak doesn’t like the unpredictability of it.

But change happens. It happens everywhere you look. Seasons change. If they didn’t, we might be stuck in this hot oppressive Oklahoma summer forever and I for one will welcome that change when fall finally arrives.

I was thinking last night about some of the changes my relationships have gone through.

I have a friendship that may have been of proximity and now that the proximity has changed the friendship has as well. Maybe it has run its course. Maybe it’s time to let go, with some sadness but mostly fond memories of what was.

But most friendships change.

One of my friends recently got married and so that relationship changed. It’s not a bad change. In fact if anything, it’s become deeper and sweeter because the time to invest in it has changed. It’s also been tested through some tough things and come out stronger on the other side. It’s evolved. It’s changed. But it’s so good.

Another has changed in time too for other reasons. The time spent is still sweet, though not frequent as it used to be. The conversations count more now. The face time is important but not the soul of the relationship. She’s still just one phone call or text away.

Yet I think of another who has drifted away. And in that I see a change in me too. In the past I might have fought hard to bring her back, to hold on too hard that it breaks. But now I’m releasing what isn’t mine to hold and hoping it returns but knowing it might not because sometimes friendships end through no ones fault. They just run their course and the need to stay connected is no longer there.

There are little ways that all relationships change. I don’t think of them with apprehension or the desire to hold onto what was. When I was thinking of them, it was almost with casual interest, the notice of something different in the air that doesn’t necessitate action on my part.

Everything changes in some way. Change is important and necessary and doesn’t have to be hard.

I’ve changed in this season. I’ve changed a lot. So why wouldn’t everything around me change too?

I still hold on, perhaps too tightly, to normalcy, to routine, to what I know in a lot of ways. I don’t seek change for the sake of change like it appears some people do. I want the change to matter if it’s going to happen. I have to gear up to it and be prepared for it in some ways. And, I’m not ready yet.

But soon…change may be coming. Nothing stays the same forever. And change isn’t always bad. Sometimes staying in the same place too long is more damaging than embracing the changing winds and letting the sails take over.

So I wait for the winds to change. I wait for the change to feel right. I wait for my soul to embrace whatever comes next. I wait…

Change, though frightening, may also hold sweet relief.

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