I was in a conversation yesterday. The phrase “imposter syndrome” came up. We were talking about how they realized that they aren’t doing the bad job they thought they were doing.
I related to that as I had a meeting last week as a “review” and I was geared up for the worst and yet it was completely positive. I laugh it away as floor PTSD, since no one wants to talk to you there unless you’re in trouble, but the truth is it’s my own level of imposter syndrome.
Then today I had a conversation where someone wanted to make sure they weren’t too loud or too much the day before. This person who I’ve admired from afar because she knows everyone’s name and makes everyone feel welcome had the same thoughts I did. I had watched her this weekend welcome and talk to everyone and remember everyone’s name, when I can barely remember my own sometimes, and yet she felt like she didn’t fit.
And then I realized, this lie, the lie they we’re not worthy to occupy whatever space we do, the lie that we’re not enough or we’re too much, this is a lie the enemy sells us all. And we buy it…every. Single. Time. We take the bait because deep down we believe it.
How could a good and holy God see any worth in me? I’ve failed so much. I struggle so much. How long before someone finds out I don’t belong?
But then I realize as I’m looking at my old friends and my new one, that I see them differently than they see themselves. People see me differently than I see myself too. It’s no wonder the great God who crafted us out of dirt wouldn’t see the wonderful potential he placed inside of us. He created us to occupy whatever space we occupy.
So maybe if we quit worrying so much about being good enough or being too much or what the people around us think at all and start embracing our place in this Kingdom work, maybe then we’ll realize our full potential. Maybe then we’ll stop taking the bait and instead disable the enemy’s strongest weapon in our lives.
Sometimes I tell my friends I need them to keep telling me things or keeping believing them until I believe them too. And guess what? We can ask God to do that too! Look at who He says you are. Look at all the blessings. Look at all the ways he’s already seen fit to use you. And repeat them and remind your heart of their truth, until you know them to be true. Preach to your heart. And remind your friends too.
A few years ago when my heart needed reminding, I put the word “beloved” permanently on my wrist as a reminder. Yet, I think I still need to remind myself of that fact. That I am beloved and I am worthy to be loved. And whatever space I’m in is the space I’m made for. And perhaps I was created for just such a time as this.
Preach to your heart, friends. Preach it until it’s true.
I am a masterpiece.
I am a holy and dearly loved child of a Heavenly Father.
I am beloved.
I am chosen and set apart.