life, My Faith

Life’s challenges

Well this day did NOT go as planned.

If that’s not a statement of this whole year, I don’t know what is. I got up this morning to go to my orthopedic doctor, as I do about ever 3 months for years, and he shoots my knee, tells me it needs replacing and sends me on my merry way. Then I go shopping (because it’s in another town…though the shopping isn’t vastly different.)

This morning I got up, exhausted. I mean to be fair I’ve been exhausted since Saturday because I chose to have fun with some of my people on Friday night when I had to work Friday and Saturday. (Y’all…no regrets there.). I always make an early appointment because I worked in an office. Guys, go early. They aren’t behind yet. Lol. My ortho is at least 20 minutes from Tulsa, more depending on traffic.

He asked me how it was going. I had to be honest because the bruises tell the stories of the times recently it has decided not to participate in knee activities and taken me down stairs in very ungraceful fashion. (Small staircases. I’m fine. But it is happening.). He checked range of motion and then asked the question. It’s always the same. Do the injections help? I’m not always truthful, but today…. “Um…yes. Well sometimes. Ok not really.”

Are you frustrated enough to see a surgeon. “I think maybe I am.”

But my heart isn’t. My heart remembers 6 weeks of incapacitation this past April. My heart remembers loneliness. My heart remembers uselessness. My heart remembers all the things. And this surgery would incapacitate an important limb more than the other one did. My brain also knows knees last 15 years…20 max. I’d be signing up to do it multiple times. It’s a tough realization for me.

Nonetheless, I have an appointment in January. I’m not committing to doing it. But I’m agreeing to have a conversation. But today my heart is sad. (It’s also physically doing the fun things it does when I get steroids lol. So a nap that would have been beneficial didn’t happen.)

After my appointment I went shopping. Shopping makes me feel better. Except this was going to be one of those times the shot makes it hurt worse that day. So I didn’t shop much and came home and laid around.

But then God reminded me of his provisions this year. Several people messaged me to see how the appointment went and sent words of love and encouragement. Yes, you made me cry. But, yes, you blessed my wounded heart.

And as I was feeling especially grateful for my people, God sent me a challenge. Tell them. And send them wishes for the next year.

It started with 8…because those are my core people. Then God kept pitching names in. I’m not sure he’s done yet. We’ll find out.

Some of the letters made me cry, probably because these people are especially meaningful and probably because I know them enough to know it will make them cry too. Some of them were filled more with challenges and hopes for a better future. I kinda liked those better.

I think it’s a great idea so I thought I’d share it. I don’t think I had the idea. I may have read it somewhere or God just planted it.

I started my letter stating all the appreciation and things these people have meant in my life in 2018. I told them ways they’d blessed me and others. (I don’t think we tell people those things enough.)

Then I put my hopes, wishes, and prayers for them in 2019. Then I signed them and put them in my Christmas centerpiece. (It seemed like a valid container.)

From here I will pray over them every day individually until God gives me the go ahead to release them into the mail (or give them in some cases).

DISCLAIMER: If you’re in my life and don’t get a letter, please PLEASE, don’t let that hurt your heart. That’s the only thing I hate about writing this. I don’t feel I’m done with letters and it may happen throughout the year. I love so many people that God didn’t put on my heart yet so your letter may come in His timing. Please know I love you!

So as I continue to limp, literally and figuratively, through this crazy life, I am grateful for you, the reader of this crazy blog, that you allow me grace to express all my faults and all my lessons. I thank you that you continue to read and follow and send me messages of appreciation and sometimes challenges. I also pray for you, the reader of this blog, in 2019, that you are loved well, that you see Jesus in a new and amazing way, and that you continue to show up to life and do the things, the hard things and the good things. I pray you know you are more and oh so much more blessed than you can imagine. And I pray that God is enough for you, so you don’t have to be enough. YOU ARE LOVED!

XOXO,

Leah

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