life

My heart is full

I don’t have a whole lot to say. Chalk that up to absolute exhaustion. But right now, taking a break from all the things, it occurs to me that I haven’t written lately.

I have been doing the dreaded process of moving. I’m still working on the final process at my old house. Tomorrow though I’m gonna work at the new one because I don’t know where most of my clothes or towels are and I have only the fancy bowls. Uggg. But the joy moment will be when it’s put together and lovely. Right now it’s chaos. And I’m trying to embrace it.

Last week I told you I thought we entered a new season, and I’m pretty sure that is true. Last week was the best week I’ve had in a while. There was chaos at work, and I didn’t let it affect me like it usually does.

What’s the difference? Joy. And of course grace. God has given me joy in this season and so far it has stuck. I am not naive enough to think there won’t be hard times in this season, but I’m learning that joy is a choice.

Life is messy. Life is ugly. But life is beautiful. And sometimes even the broken is beautiful. I cannot change other people. I can only control myself if I choose to. I can control my reactions to things. I can choose joy.

But it has to be a conscious choice every day. I have to look adversity in the face and say “not today, Satan!” Last Monday I told you I followed that with “I’m only receiving blessings today.” I have continued to adopt that mindset. Does that mean the bad doesn’t come? No. I don’t think so. I think right now God is giving my wounded heart a breather because there isn’t much bad right now. The true test will be when those times come.

In the hard times I hope I continue to only receive blessings. To me that means acknowledging the hard times but not letting them drag me down. Acknowledge where Satan tries to trip me up, like when he puts a line of tree stands on a frequently traveled road that I just moved closer to. That day I said, yup Satan I see it, but not today. Today I’m only receiving blessings.

I can’t stop the bad things from coming. They always do. But I can control me. I can control my reaction and my attitude. I can choose joy.

Earlier in the week I was talking with my people and mentioned that I don’t have tools. Several of them said, “Oh I do. My dad gave me mine.” That seemed to be the consensus. I said, hmm. Maybe that’s why I don’t have tools. But it wasn’t with the sadness that statement would have brought in the past. It was just a fact. A plausible answer to why I don’t have tools. (I think really it’s possible my mom might have given me tools that I lost. I really don’t know how to use tools.). I have friends with tools and that’s a blessing. I’m only receiving blessings.

And while I’m at it I continue to chase grace. I haven’t caught it yet, but God will continue to show me how if I continue to chase after Him and chase after grace. Pursue holiness and the rest will follow.

Last night was my first night in my new home. My home that is my own. All my furniture is here. And it’s chaos of missing things and boxes. So many boxes. Thankfully there’s a garage for them to be confined to. Tomorrow I go on a quest for towels and kitchen things. Wish me luck.

Yesterday was amazing though. In the midst of the chaos and the fact that it’s not perfect, my people loved me well. My mission for my house is for it to be a welcoming environment that I can serve others and use it however God allows. Yesterday some of my people came over and brought dinner. We hung out and laughed. And they put together my dining table. (I mean let’s face it, if I did it, it would not be correct. Though I did successfully build a lamp today and find the plug that is operated by a switch. Lol)

In the midst of my imperfection and chaos I had an amazing night with my people. At the end of the night there were even hugs. (People who know me well go ahead and close your jaw.). I think I hug in this season. Because I love in this season. Because I found joy in this season. And because these people taught me how to love well. The hugs weren’t awkward or strange. They were good.

I have said often that my people love me well and I want to love them well. I feel compelled to explain that phrase. To me, loving someone well means meeting them where they are. Understanding what they need and giving freely of yourself to meet their needs. When you are loving someone well, it feeds your soul too. You want nothing in return. My people have taught me how to love well because they do it so well.

I would have never survived this season without these people. I wouldn’t have survived two weeks ago without these people. I don’t know how I ever thought I could do life alone.

I look forward to welcoming people into my home, even when it’s not perfect. I look forward to putting it together and to unpacking. I look forward to all the things. It feels like home.

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