life, My Faith

The Sweet Spot

Life is good. It seems weird to come here to say that after everything we’ve walked through the last 6 months. However, as I sit here tonight, I can tell you, honestly, life is good.

It’s a little ironic though because am I where I thought I would be at this point in my life? Not hardly. Am I where I wanted to be 6 months ago? Not really. But yet…life is good. Life might even be better than it’s ever been in 41 years.

It would seem that this may be the sweet spot. I read this term in Remember God (by Annie F. Downs…have you read it yet? Seriously. Do it.).

Just believe. To see God for who He really is, not for who our circumstances were trying to tell us He is. To believe that here was a sweet spot. To believe this table, these friends, this life, with this God of ours, is sweet.

Honestly there is so much I wanted to do with my life. I’ve told you I’m goal driven, and I had a plan for me. But I’m realizing that God has other plans for me, and I’m walking in the trust that His ways are better than mine. I’m not sure how I got to that point, but somewhere there was a shift.

Let me tell you though, this doesn’t always yield contentment. There have been so many times, even this last week, that I let circumstances steal my joy. There have been times that I said, no this isn’t right and I don’t want to do it anymore. There have been times that I want to just strike out on a random path even though I know full well that God is calling me to wait.

I hate waiting.

But nothing will be served by charging ahead and deciding I know what’s best. (Spoiler alert: I do NOT know what’s best.) And I know from experience, decisions made out of anger or frustration are never good ones. So I wait. Happily? Not always. But I wait. Until God tells me to move, I pray for the strength to keep waiting because sometimes waiting takes more courage than charging ahead.

And if I really sit and look, I know I’m in good place. God provided me this house of my own, an amazing place that already brings me joy. I want everyone to come over and be welcome here. I have prayed for it to be a place from where I can serve God, so it has to be a place that is welcoming. This needs to serve as motivation to get boxes out of the garage and unpacked, which is some of my goals for this week. (If you know and love me, continue to ask me if I have unpacked, like you are presently. Maybe the accountability will make it happen.)

I am in a sweet spot, personally too. My people, my core group of friends, who loved me well and supported me through the ugliness of the last 6 months now get to love me well in all the good things. How amazing is that? To have people who support you through good and bad. To have people. To not have to walk through any of this alone. I marvel to sit here and think that at the beginning of April of this year, I knew none of them and had only met one. And now, in November, they are some of the most important people in my life. I know that I wouldn’t be in this sweet spot without them and in fact I might not “be” at all without them. I know I sing their praises often, but I know I wouldn’t have survived in tact without them.

Even professionally, where I struggle to understand if I still fit in the place that has been “home” for over 6 years, I can see the sweet spot there. I love the people I work with. And I can’t help but think, as new opportunities in other spheres present themselves, if maybe I’m meant to stay if only to free up more of the week for other important opportunities that God has for me. I wonder if the door that is opening so slowly and definitely not my pace may be a blessing in disguise. That’s an interesting perspective. But maybe I need to view it from that perspective and settle down and enjoy the journey, instead of trying to jump ahead.

So I sit, much enjoying the place I’m at right now. Knowing full well that there might be a different future, I sit content to live this life for as long as it’s mine to live. I don’t want anything to change right now, save the mound of boxes in the garage and the lack of clothing in the closets. It’s here that I’m supposed to be somehow. It’s here that I’m supposed to now grow and learn.

This season is a good one already. It looks so much different than the season I dreamed about so many years ago, but it has all the makings of greatness for me. In this season I feel called to do something, though I can’t put my finger quite on what. I am learning to be still and look with eager anticipation at anything that might come my way.

I hope for guidance. I pray for wisdom to know what’s meant for me. I pray for someone with wisdom to help me figure it out. I, as always, pray to matter, to find where I’m meant to make a difference, to find my ministry in this world.

From everyone who has been given much, much will be required (Luke 12:48)

I’ve been given so much in the last year, to sustain me, to save me, to grow me. I have so much to give back and I know that my life has significance. I just don’t know how and to whom. I eagerly await finding out what that means. But for now, I enjoy this not-hoped-for, but oh, so much enjoyed, sweet spot.

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